me and my stories.

the year of the dog promises to be a great one but virtually everyone i know is having the worst time of their lives right now.

that includes me somehow but i’m still trying to smile.

today was one of those days when reality would hit you in the face and you just felt like crying over the silliest things. One of those days when you would take a bus to holland village, and then miss the stop because you were too preoccupied with life. next thing you knew, you’d be somewhere in town.

i did just that…except i took a  bus back down to holland v to met a close friend.

He humoured me. Hw cheered me up a bit before we took a walk down to jelita. Before long, it was late and we had to make our way home.

thanks for making me smile for a bit.

and people, wish me me luck for tomorrow. 

i either make it. or break it.

-sabs-

yesterday’s party was a success.  There were two birthday cakes…one courtesy of me and the other courtesy of adrian himself who thought no one would buy him one.

obviously i almost had a heart attack when i found out he actually went to buy his own cake. Gene’s phonecall made my heart stop for s second.

anyway, me and Gene met up at Marriott later , where he rescued me from wierd malay boys who tried to pick me up. Then we were off to Alley bar.

Had our drinks and were joined by Shantini and Shalini. Been some time since i saw Shan, but she was still as bubbly as before.

Met another guy there..Kurt. he’s Chinese but speaks with a funny American accent. i think. He was friendly enough to talk to me.

Then after that Adrian came and we were shortly joined by Steph, Alvin,  Reuben etc etc. I remember a John somewhere, a Jaspal and another Steph, a Denise whom i found very very mysterious somehow, Neo also came with his girlfriend…i can barely remember the others who came. Actually to be honest, i can’t really remember their names very well. I didn’t manage to talk to anyone that much. We were all posing for pictures, sharing seats and just happily chatting away. I must say it did seem like only the three of us were drinking ( Me, Gene and Kurt) and even though it didn’t get me high or drunk, it made me smile a little bit more.

Did i mention that Adrian wore a cape and was modelling about? he looked really nice ( He didn’t force me to say it, really) and i guess it was his time to shine anyway. he made this whole speech for us and thanked us profusely for the celebration. I guess he was just very very happy that we all made it and were there to celebrate with him. Imagine three groups of friends from different backgrounds, different walks of life coming together for one reason - The Darling. hahaaa.

Oh! And i also got to meet another Lawrence and Denise ( gene’s gf) Been a while sine i saw that girl! And Lawrence the poor thing. everyone knew he actually stayed at home to watch Evolution first before coming out to meet us. Of course, Adrian made him feel damn bad for it. ahaha. but we all had a good laugh in the end.

—

In a way, I’m glad we had fun. We called it a night at 12.30 am ( i know, DAMN EARLY considering the silly party animals we are) and i sent Adrian back home. I was really glad that he had a wonderful time. It left me with a warm feeling inside too. I got home. showered. then it was off to bed.

and earlier today…work with shahie was madness. I think he’s going crazy. It was such a busy night and we had the wierdest customers of the lot. Really tested my patience.

–

okay gtg to sleep now. Tomorrow another day at work. We’ll see how everything goes….

-sabs-

happy birthday to one of my closest friends.

adrian fakhari jaffar.

he turns 23 tomorrow but all of us will be celebrating at alley bar tonight. May God watch over you and give you strength in everything that you do.

Things i learned from you:

1. It’s not wrong to eat warm chocolate cake after a huge meal.

2. Walking is really really fun when you have a Motorola phone, WHICH has Madonna, Sugababes, Ashley Simpson, Jewel or whoever. We can sing along while we walk.

3. Hair colour is very very important. It must coordinate with eye color, shoes, your top, your jeans, and virtually everything that you wear. And if you’re a guy, you must LIVE by CK underwear. But of course, hair colour comes first.

4. hamsters or any other pet should be treated just the way you want people to treat you. So it is okay for hamsters to drink only evian.

—-

okay i can come up with so much more but i have a time contraint. So i’ll leave this to another time. Perhaps after the party.

have a good week, my friends!

-sabs-

someone you totally care about gives it up to be so far away from you. i know you chose this life, and I was glad when it happened. You wanted me to be happy, even though it meant that we would be so far apart.

and so i was happy.

and now you call. and now you tell me that it’s all gone wrong.

that everything is falling apart. you are falling apart.

and you have no one to run to.

my dear…

what can i do to make things better. distance is one thing and time is another.

i would do anything to leave this place now and be with you, but i can’t.

i wish i could but i really can’t.

hope God watches over you and gives you strength and a peace of mind.

a few days ago, someone called me a psycho.

I’m beginning to find that quite true.

—

the fengshui/horoscope master says of my life in 2006 :

—

yesterday was a fun day at work. I have a new girl ..Rebecca and she is one those sweet young things you know you’ll have fun working with. I had fun until a customer showed me attitude in my face and personally pissed me off.

It made me so mad and emotional but obviously i couldn’t start crying so i just kept it all inside. Urgh. Colleagues tried to make me laugh again, it worked for a while. But i could tell my face was so long i could almost sweep the floor. Haha, that sounded funny.

—

to you, thanks for calling me. It was nice to hear your voice again.

to rina, sorry i ran off from the pc that night. And no i won’t be in Virginia anytime soon.

and note to myself… good things are bound to come.

If I told you a secret, you won’t tell a soul
Will you hold it and keep it alive?

—

The worst news came through a  phone call early this morning while i was in deep slumber. He called…15 mins of hesitant conversation. He was smart to have told me the news while i was half asleep. Had i been more awake, i would have yelled at him. I know he sensed my disappointment. I questioned him, i did.  He said he would get everything back on track. He just didn’t know when.

All this time and you still don’t know when?

—

It’s nice to be home at four in the afternoon and look out of your bedroom window.All those primary school kids running around as part of their Physical Ed Class. Aunties walking around gossiping about the price of fish?! ( i cna hear them from the third floor, it’s crazy i swear). Uncles who gamble away ten cent coins or stare at the ceilingAnd of course, those silly students under my block of flats. Since i’ve moved here, I’ve always had the same case of students sitting around at the void deck, doing nothing except shout vulgarities at each other. Sometimes they would be cleaning their  motorbikes. Other times maybe, making out. Its a whole lot of activity here in Bukit Panjang. Very very interesting.

—

I’ve also realised that walking is one of the best things to do when you really have nothing else in mind. I had a walk from Six Ave the other day all the way down BUkit Timah and there was a lot of laughter involved. It was just me and Adrian, belting out cheesy gay tunes by the side of the roads.

I also had another walk earlier today…took the bus down but walked from the Citibank area right down to my place. That was relaxing. I had the sun in ym face and even though it was hot, there was a nice breeze that kept me company. I walked past the church, i walked past schools, and also ugly shophouses, with equally ugly owners. I had an uncle spit in my direction. Thank god i’m young, and quick enough to dodge his flying sputum. It was disgusting!

And now its time to head back to TCD. Don’t i just love the place!

-sabs-

today i woke up, tired from a lot of things i had throughout the whole week.

for some parts, i had fun, for some parts, it was more of being a robot, doing the same things, over and over again.

work was alright today until i did the silliest thing of toppling an entire tray of champagne glasses. And in my bid to avoid the broken pieces of glass, my foot got pierced. It hurt for a while. The blood didn’t stop and before long, i had bloody toes.

for a moment, it felt so good to bleed. the pain felt good. it made me light headed. i watched as my paper tissue became bloodsoaked for a bit. hmm…

anyway,

it’s all gone now. No more blood, but the pain stays of course. and i believe it would stay for a while.

—

when i got home today from work i lay in bed thinking of how things are going to be for me. I went online and came across this posting in someone’s blog. There he wrote,

" when you choose, you don’t simply forget about the other things you have to give up. you just forgo for the moment. when you realise that what you did was wrong, then you’ll see what you could have done, and what you should have. It might have been a missed opportunity. You might be able to get it back. But sometimes you just don’t."

—

and that was that.

-sabrina-

i had a comment on my previous entry from someone who is…. "Me". That was my sister, obviously. Thanks for teaching me a lesson to LOG OUT from Friendster. I’m wondering now if she tried to send any of you love messages just for the hell of it. And yeah so she was the lucky one to have touched Alex’s hand.  And yes i was jealous.

Anyway, today’s work at TCD is okay. I am wide awake and i have to be at work by 9.30 tomoro. In other words, i should be in bed by now. It was a crazy evening earlier but i was at work with the two best people so it wasn’t too bad.

—

people keep asking me if i am from new zealand. I AM NOT. flattering to be even considered of a different nationality, but i am not a Kiwi, a Maori, or anything remotely related to New Zealand. Its funny that after they ask, they go into this whole mode of guessing my nationality.

"are you… indonesian?"

"are you… thai?"

"hmm, no? then filipino?"

after which i would have gotten tired and just cut short the game by telling them that i am local. That i am malay. that i was born and raised as a singaporean. and then…

"but you speak very well…"

well, yes…considering my father sent me to school for like 20 yrs, it would be insulting to not be able to use grammatically correct sentences…right? and he was an english teacher so he would have knocked my head silly if i couldn’t even speak well.

( i know, i have a lot of grammar errors in the above paragraph alone. haha)

that aside, i do look forward to these instances when my "customers" bother to get to know me as a real person instead of someone who’s sole purpose is to make the best coffee on earth. it gives you a warn feeling inside.

—

one last thing before i go.

       "there is a step that i must take.

a path, but its not straight.

i must leave you behind. I must leave it all.

Like the night turning to daybreak,

the dark will cease, the light shall take

and all the rays, bright from the sun

shall bring forth Hope and Faith and Fun."

do you want to?

went to the franz concert yesterday at the indoor stadium. Bumped into a few  people i didn’t expect to see….lawrence, another lawrence..then also shan, and OMG baylene!!! haha. interesting. i heard gene and some others were there too, but didn’t see them…

When i first walked in..i was quite surprised at the crowd…there were people dressed in the usual stripes and skinny jeans, and then there were those wearing office clothes clutching lap top bags. Was rather disappointed with the fact that there wasn’t much people in the standing area though….albeit i half expected it.

my sister ernie was one of the lucky ones who managed to fight her way to the front..along with her fellow NIE friends. Actually i think she was first in queue, now that i got myself thinking….anyway,I was standing in the middle…trying to see whatever that was ahead of me….heh, a lot of tall angmoh’s blocking my view.

the gig was not too bad. the crowd for starters was DEAD for a while…i swear, some people there don’t understand the nature of a concert. Don’t f*** pay 90 bucks to stand with your arms folded and mock at people dancing can??! Its free standing and yes you can stand in whichever way you like but for heaven’s sake at least move your head to the music or smile at fellow FF fans!! ( ok thats a mouthful)

i was jumping my head off and screaming…to a point that i lost my voice. I jumped and danced..basically annoyed the hell out of people around me. I think i accidentally got too excited when one of the better songs started and my arms actually hit the fella in front of me. uh oh. but thats the spirit right. hah!

there was this one time when a girl standing beside me started jumping along with me but when i smiled at her and threw my arm around her shoulder…in the bid to jump together of course…she stared at me like i was a psycho with no clothes on! I smiled and just continued jumping ALONE and slightly annoyed.

In the middle of the concert, people started getting more alive and those in the seating areas were singing to the songs loudly too. The stage was quite lit up for a couple of the tracks that they performed and they had the whole smoke machine thing going on. hahaha. I love it when a band is playing on stage and the lights start flashing. It makes them look like super super super BIG ROCK STARS.  Exhilarating.

one thing which rather disappointed me was that the fact that the gig ended shorter than i expected. I stayed a little longer, hoping to catch a glimpse of alex and the group UPCLOSE..i thought they might do the whole…."who wants a piece of my tshirt" thing but they didn’t. :( 

A while after the concert ended, i found my sister, her hair all over the place. She was proudly proclaiming that Alex had touched her hand. I think she swore not to wash her right hand again. I think i heard her friends all say the same thing too.

i also wanna touch alex’s hand. damn. i missed that chance. he’s sooooo cute.

—

after the concert, i wanted to buy a funky tshirt but i couldn’t breathe with all the sweaty poeple fighting to get out. I couldn’t be bothered to queue so i left the place with my ears ringing and my head still dizzy from all the spinning and jumping…wheeeeee.

today

i woke up. sore as hell. whiplashed. head spinning. arms aching.

and then i went to the gym.

God help me tomorrow. It will be double the pain.

-sabs-

I’ll be starting work at three today and even though i had planned to get some things done before work, i had other things to deal with at home…for example the mess in my room ( hehe) and of course, deciding what to do with my clothes.

apart from that, i’m planning to bring my cd player to work today so i can spend the first three hours grooving. Hopefully no one will notice the change in music. I’m going to be covered in cobwebs if i listen to anymore of the same old usual stuff. And paul anka’s rendition of bon jovi or any other artiste.

Yesterday was work at TCD with Shawn and Shahie. That was fun. I was suppose to end at four but i only left at 6 plus with Shahie and then it was off to Sixth Avenue to buy some stuff for home.

I heard from Razak the other day. He called saying "Good Day Mate!" and i think he must have repeated it five times before i even realised who it was on the other line. After which i burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter because i found it so hilarious. I asked him how he was and it turns out he’s been doing alright. I told him i missed working with him. I also said hello to rizal, that funny fellow. :)  Anyway, Razak is coming back next Monday. Yay.

Last Saturday also saw me chilling out with Ernie and my brother. We hung out walking around town, had a bite to eat at Lucky plaza ( i know, of ALL places) and had  contemplated watching a movie. In the end, we didn’t, we just walked around some more, watched the crowds of people push past us to get last minute valentine gifts. There was Singapore idol in town too so there were throngs of people near Cineleisure. Hung out with Todd for a while too…watched him eat dinner… before making my way home with my siblings.

okay time to go to work now.

sabs